The Real Week 4 - Crabby Is As Crabby Does

We have company this week - a dear friend of Beloved's from Germany and her 8 year old daughter. They are wonderful guests, helpful and non-obtrusive (a real feat in an NYC apartment.)

Two important things are in play now: Beloved is caught up in being with her friend, and she somehow injured both her ankles running (showing off?)at the track. They hurt and are swollen, like a sprain. I told her last week that too much was as bad as nothing at all when she was exhorting me to run (to no avail.) I reminded her that we are over 40. I cried when she was clearly disappointed. Can't she see that I am working hard at this? That keeping on keeping on is more important than speed or "winning"?

As I continue my workout (stepping smartly) until finished, she is sprinting ahead and stopping to stretch or rest in between. It's a fundamental difference between us, I realize. She can beat anyone in the on-the-spot competition: faster, more capable of the push needed to win. So not where I am coming from.

This week I ride to the warehouse in Jersey City for the first time alone. My seat decides to slowly descend until the rack on the back is acting like a brake. I call Beloved in a slight panic since just moving the seat up spins the rack at a crazy angle. I really want her to come and rescue me since I knew this bicycle crap was total bullshit. And here is the proof.

She gives me some instructions, but I am not an engineer. It doesn't seem to work like she said. She is laughing at me (she has a very well developed sense of schadenfreude) and I am getting pissed. I give a curt "good-bye" and hang up in a huff. I consider abandoning the bike but the walk home is too far. I fool around with the seat and rack and finally understand how the "quick release" mechanism works. I adjust the seat and go on.

I am so incredibly proud of myself. It's a tiny little thing - but I fixed it. By myself.

The buoyancy crashes later in the day on the way home when I have to walk up the two hills from the warehouse to the PATH station again. I try telling myself that it's OK, that I really achieved something today with riding alone and fixing a problem -- but I don't listen. Why should I listen to an old, tired, fat, unable-to-do-slight-hills, out of shape mess?

We take a few days off to go up to the property we just bought in Sullivan County. So there is a break from the forced march since Beloved is distracted and slightly injured. Whoo-hoo!

And then I find out that I feel terrible. I feel huge and unable to move. Everything is an effort. I am so crabby that even I don't want to be around me. Even my in-denial brain can figure out that this is because I have gotten used to an hour of exercise every day, and now my body is in shock.

Oh, crap.

As of 5/18/08:

Current				Total Lost
Weight	225.5			.5 lbs.
Bust	45"			0 in.
Waist	39"			0 in.
Hip	52"			0 in.
BMI	39.94%

Good News After A Not So Great Week

A quick up-to-date post: with company last week and a yucky medical procedure the exercise schedule got messed up so I did not feel good about checking weight and measurements today.

But I lost a pound and 1.5" so maybe my metabolism is kicking up!

Since Beloved messed up her ankles (more in a future post) I suggested that we go not to the track but on a long bike ride. She agreed, but it was immediately obvious that we defined "long" differently.

I started to say "Let's go to the West Side and ride uptown until I'm half-way tired, then come back and try to go all the way around the Battery to the Seaport and then home." (My ulterior motive is to stop at the seaport for refreshment (and rest!) and then go to one of our favorite restaurants - Zum Schneider - as a special treat.) I was envisioning sort of going up to where the passenger ships dock around 53rd St.

(Extra Bonus! It's Fleet Week so lots of yummy sailors to look at!)

But Beloved interrupted with "Yeah! Great idea. Let's go up the West Side to the bridge." "The Bridge is the GEORGE WASHINGTON BRIDGE at One-freaking-hundred-SEVENTY-EIGHTH Street! The woman is clearly out of her mind.

But we are ready to go on this beautiful Sunday afternoon so more later. We'll see who prevails.

xoxo-Owlette

Update: We ended up going all the way to 79th St. It was an amazing day with perfect weather. At 79th St the New York City Downtown Boathouse was offering free kayaking in the Hudson River. I'm not afraid of the river, and I can swim. But I was afraid that I am just too big to do this. But I did it! And it was awesome!

As of 5/25/08:

Current				Total Lost
Weight	224			3 lbs.
Bust	44.5"			1 in.
Waist	39"			2 in.
Hip	51"			1 in.
BMI	39.6%			.013%

The Real Week Two - Exhaustion and Tears (Part 1)

I'm in sort of a groove now - not looking forward to exercising but resigned to it. After a week of getting about an hour of dedicated exercise every day, I lost a grand total of half-a-pound. Although I remind myself that I am not dieting, I am still disappointed. The tape measure says I lost inches too, but I don't believe it.

What is that voice in my head that negates any positive action? It's a lot stronger than any other voice.

Beloved announces that we will ride down to World Trade Center to take the PATH train to my warehouse office in Jersey City. That's about 3 miles, plus a mile on the NJ side. All on city streets. Yikes. I had to rest twice, but I did it. I felt pretty good about that!

Riding home is a different story. To get to the train there are two hills - not steep (per se) but long. And steep enough that I huff and puff up them when I walk! I walk up both hills after a brief attempt at riding. I am embarrassed that I can't do it. It makes me pick a fight with Beloved. She shows admirable restraint. I am so tired after a day of work and riding back to the PATH station that we have to take the long way home because I feel too shaky. I walk up the slight incline to Broadway and we head across town to the Seaport. OH NO. Another hill up to Water Street. And this one with buses roaring past. I walk up on the sidewalk. I rest twice on the way home and hate myself.

I will never be able to do this (says the voice in my head, despite the fact that I DID do it.)

As of 5/4/08:

Current				Total Lost
Weight	226.5			.5 lbs.
Bust	45"			1 in.
Waist	40"			1 in.
Hip	52.5"			.5 in.
BMI	40.02%

The Real Week One - Bicycling

Beloved has said at least a thousand times that she doesn't care what I weigh, but she does care that I can MOVE. So I'll show her - I WILL NOT DIET. I will commit to getting fit, but one thing at a time, please.

It turns out that she supports that position. Huh.

So we get on our bicycles and she wants to ride to the Seaport (about 3.5 miles.) I freak out and flatly refuse. But I will ride to what I call "The Seals" - a cute little alcove in the East River Park that is full of statues of cavorting seals and water spouts. It's about 2 miles to The Seals, I think.

Off we go, down 6th Street towards the bridge over the FDR and so into the park. I'm already tired. We get to the bridge with its two inclines up. I get off and walk the bike up. Hills have always defeated me.

Off to The Seals. I can hardly breathe. Oh my God, I'm gonna die. Only grim determination gets me back home. I'm wobbly but at least I did it.

And then Beloved advises me that we will be doing this and more every single day. (Apparently World Without End, Amen.) We fight and the net result is that I get one day off per week. I know something is wrong with this but I feel victorious anyway.

As of 4/27/08:

Current
Weight	227
Bust	46"
Waist	41"
Hip	53"
BMI	40.20%

Making Commitments

One hundred pounds. Still can't get over it. But sitting around thinking about it is not going to decrease the size of my ass.

So I have to commit, right? It's too much and too overwhelming. So today's commitment is to fitness. Even if I don't lose an ounce, I will be fit. (And if I don't lose significantly MORE than an ounce, I will also be pissed.)

Beloved is super-sporty and naturally athletic and wants a major commitment from me for at least an hour's serious exercise every single day. Is she out of her freaking mind? I'll probably have a heart attack.

On the other hand, she is fit. Maybe she knows something?

So here's the deal: For this week, I will commit to at least 30 minutes a day of some kind of cardio. I can re-commit next week.

And here's the new twist. No fancy gym or special equipment. It's Spring and we'll ride bikes or use the track in the park. I haven't ridden a bike in 20+ years. Last time I got on a bike with some friends I was mortified because I was so slow and it was so hard. I picked a fight with Beloved and then spent the afternoon in tears and mortification.

So she is fixing up a bike for me. It's purple and pink. She got me a nice cushy seat cover and a basket. We did some gentle riding and it was fun (ish.)

We also have an understanding that if I have to rest, I rest. That if a "short" ride takes an hour, so be it.

Today, we ride.

Current Stats as of 4/27/08

Weight: 227
Bust: 46"
Waist: 41"
Hip: 53"
BMI: 40.2